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Sunday, April 20, 2008



was frustrated with myself and especially saturday night... esp when the part of have to debrief in own connect groups... members weren't cooperating... and initially the things i wanted to share the excitement jus boop! then yea things happen which i personally feel like a flop? then when i wanna share before i can open my mouth my member went kuai dian lei... then i am like woah.... i waited for u ... now finally when u finish ure happy dilly dallying you ask me kuai dian?? thats that moment i know no matter wad i say, what i share... its jus another debrief... jus another yak and thts it. so i asked joo joo to help.. she said she was tired.. can see.. so she asked kristin and here and there and ya.. i jus turned my head away...... then after that i jus thought to myself... and think to myself.. and got depressed... depressed as in i got so tired and frustrated at myself.... i look at wad i have to offer to God and it seems so small... seems so useless... but who wouldn't if ure me? who would nt be depressed after trying so much.. praying so much for them... moved an inch.. then people critisizing... people telling u wad to do like then you should bleh bleh bleh.. as if they know? people comment blah blah blah.. then secrets between members when u are trying to help them they keep secrets between themselves? is that helping?? ok then keep secrets then at least help me connect to that member?? no?? then how? i got so helpless and hated myself to the core that i left without fellowship.. went home and cried to myself... so helpless.. so idiot i feel... feel like giving up coc.. for wad?? i am nt helping anyone.... thats so much i can do.....
sun morning i was sick and wanted to go service.. but decided not to when had fever again around 630... so stayed at home and watched online... I LOVE YOU DR KIM SUNGHE!! hahaah she is really jovial woman at her age. hahaha! i wanna be like her! haha!! her words are simple but yet her words are that rich in content... thats when yesterday's thoughts jus breakaway and i decided tis time lets try again... giving myself las shot with God.. this time pray more for them and seeking his face only.. her words be a HAPPY MAN! hahahah! YES I AM... have to remember the one greater than me God.. yes. Him.. so right now i dun need anyone's comments but Him... zippppppppppp


Signing off,1:20 PM
Child of god